Applying for a job at the ice cream shop

Here is the application I left at the ice cream shop across the street from me today. Let me know if you think I got the job.  I copied it in since I don't know what i am doing with this blog formatting yet. (Change some parts to protect identities of my references


Dear Brain Freeze Ice Cream shop owner,

Since my earliest days in undergrad when I first had access to the soft serve ice cream machine I had a simple but elusive dream. I have gone searching around the world, from the back woods of the Ozarks, the swamps of Louisiana, the empty space of Indiana, and the mountains and hot springs of Iceland searching for the elusive ice cream cone. Sitting in my ice cream less office I had the realization that in order to find that ice cream cone I would have to venture into the field of ice cream maker and perfect my craft.

Now I acknowledge that this application is from a different type of applicant but do not worry even through I have another career that pays a more than living wage, I too will be driven to work hard for tips. Instead of trying to use my tip money for paying for college my tips will go towards buying a nice beach house and some investment properties. (if this is a multi-year thing). Another bonus is because of my other career I have already gone through all the harassment workshops so I can skip that training, as well as confidentiality. I also promise not inform any of my coworkers of any of their legal rights since that would conflict with my day job.

I have ample experience eating ice cream and creating ice cream creations. Allow me to prefect my cone making skills. Also, I have a law degree, economics degree and experience handing money including claims in excess of over $100,000 so I can be trusted with handling money.

Below please find a list of references but if your going to actually call them call the last one first and then start at the top. As you can see the last one is significantly more qualified to testify to my ice cream skills and his time is worth significantly less.

References:
Captain Al Catalya (I used his real last name just don't want this to pop up as google result)
Former (Retired) CEO of Lordes Hospital, xxx-xxx-xxxx realized I probably shouldn't publish this information online.

Swiss Guard CUA professor (same here)
Former CFO of Dragon, speech to text company, founder of seven found, Swiss guard, professor at Catholic university,

Connor Dowd (yeah don't care about his google results)
profession not important but if you see him you know he knows his ice cream just like me.

Francis P. Brennan III

102 Heather Drive, Mount Laurel, New Jersey  08054

(856)-577-7511                                                                                         Frankiebre@gmail.com

 

Education:

    Rutgers Law School, Camden, NJ

Juris Doctor Degree, May 2017

GPA 3.640

Dean’s List

Pro Bono Award for Excellent Service

Business Law Certificate

Relevant Coursework: Antitrust A, Advanced Antitrust A-, Mergers & Acquisitions A                                                                Introduction to Income Tax A+ (wink wink) 

            Activities:       Rutgers Journal of Law and Public Policy, Staff Editor                   2015/16

                                    Submissions and Symposium Editor                           May 2016-May 2017

                                    VITA Pro Bono Project                                                         Student Leader

                                    Planning Estates Pro Bono Project

             

    The Catholic University of America, Washington, DC

            Bachelor of Arts in Economics, May 2014

            Minors:           Mathematics, Philosophy   

Honors:           Magna Cum Laude

                                    University Scholar

 Finalist for Business School Student of the year 2014

Activities:       Habitat for Humanity; Teacher’s assistant for Intro to Microeconomics, Business Ethics; Tutor for Intro Micro/Macroeconomics, Intro to Accounting; Intramural Flag Football x3 Champions, Softball, Basketball

Legal Experience

GEICO Staff Counsel 

Attorney                                                                                                            Nov 2017- present   

PIP arbitration and Bodily injury litigation 

Fair Share Housing Center

Legal Intern                                                                                     May 2016-August 2016

Draft and edit litigation documents, and review settlement offers in connection with enforcement of municipality’s affordable housing obligation

    Superior Court of New Jersey, Burlington Vicinage

Judicial Intern to the Honorable Ronald E. Bookbinder A.J.S.J.    June 2015-August 2015

            Draft preliminary opinions, and research memos  

Other Work Experience

            Custodial Engineer at Resurrection Catholic School,                          Summers 2012-2015

               

Association and Memberships

            Burlington County Bar Association

            Knights of Columbus Council Number 9542, events coordinator                 (2012-2014)

Special Skills

I know how to count 100 by 1s, 5s, 10s, and 25s in any combination, can describe all the ice cream and water ice flavors and offer pairings like it is wine and cuts of meat. 

   

I'll keep everyone posted on how my application goes.