Week 3 Recap
Ky’s Beta Cucks vs. Mr. Coin
Starting out with my favorite matchup of the week. Ryan’s team of almost all sleepers woke up for a well-rounded performance against a tough Coin team. The Coin flipped wrong on a few players who had big days, such as the wild performance out of Atlanta’s new hot target WR (watch out, Julio). Ryan’s round one grad school apps are all in, so now he has lots of time to devote to fantasy football. If his team stays awake, he may be a force to reckon with. The Coin may need a new QB (just go out of bounds next time!), but its strong team should be able to carry it regardless of who it picks up.
Fear Boners vs. Dr. Glenn Talks Dirty to his Wife
Dan was his own worst enemy this week. If he had followed his normal draft strategy and gone all risky Bills picks, he might’ve pulled out a win. Also, if he had noticed that Dalvin Cook was ruled out for the week on Friday. The latter was the big difference maker in this matchup. Chris is also fortunate this isn’t an IDP league. We all know he would pick Clay Matthews with his first overall pick (or second, after Rodgers) and he would’ve been seriously boned by these absurd “QB protection” rules. Bunch of nonsense.
Sanford and Son Backup Kickers vs. Do Not Diddle Kids
Steve had an uncharacteristically poor performance, much like his quarterback did against a fearsome Bills team. (Seriously though – who saw that coming? Maybe they should have more players retire at halftime to give them some motivation.) Roger suffered from TB12’s comparably-bad week in Detroit, but this wasn’t really a factor since his team is about as deep as the kiddie pool around the corner from his house that he’s not allowed within 100 feet of. So he was unable to take advantage of the opportunity Steve presented.
Cuban Missile Crisis vs. McCarrick Molested Me
Both Alex and Doug decided to make other countries great again this week, but only one of them succeeded. Clearly Europe gave a greater performance – perhaps that’s an omen of the games set to take place in Mexico City this season. There was strong QB play on both sides, but Adrian Peterson (?) is the biggest difference maker here. Bold move by Doug pays off.
Wuerly touched My Willy vs. Troubled in Paradise
Frank had a strong performance from Christian McCaffrey, but that’s about all his team did this week. Incredibly, Connor had a more-mediocre week than Frank. He held out hope that Fitzmagic would put up the 36 points needed to make the week interesting, but miracles that big are hard to come by. Also working against Connor is the whole Le’Veon Bell situation: what are the current odds of him signing before the November deadline?
Side note: I like Frank’s name this week. I get that it’s a dig at Connor and Molly, but remember when we went to that restaurant at the Lake of the Ozarks called “Paradise” and my dad was giving me shit because you guys got him to say I was cheap? Yeah, and then Chris failed to get some phone numbers from the dock girls. Classic.
Nike Kneepads vs. Big Rich Swinginn
This was a barnburner, folks. And Mike Evans made it real interesting there in the end. These two are clearly the teams to beat, but Brendan’s superior performance lifted him off of his knee(pad)s and to the top spot in the rankings. You beat the top dog (and you’re #2), you get the top spot. Even if it’s by 1 point.
Week 3 Rankings
1. Brendan2. Rich
3. Steve
4. Dan
5. Frank
6. Alex
7. Chris
8. Matt
9. Doug
10. Ryan
11. Roger
12. Connor
And now for the fun rankings. Frank told me I could do my own thing this week, but since you all appreciate his format so much, I decided to stick to a top 12 list of my own:
Ryan’s Top 12 Favorite Jewish Athletes
Honorable Mentions: Mose “The Rabbi of Swat” Solomon & Barney “The Yiddish Curver” Pelty
These guys have some amazing nicknames. I couldn’t not put them in the list.12. Mitchell Schwartz
Schwartz plays for the Kansas City Chiefs. He’s not great, but he’s reliable. With 96 consecutive starts under his belt, he’s good enough to make the list. L'chaim!11. Jerry Seinfeld
Not classically considered to be an athlete, but this video may change your mind.10. Julian Edelman
Edelman has brought me much fantasy success and failure over the years. 2-time Super Bowl Champion, New England Patriot, and he went to Kent State (hey Connor – say hi to Mo for me).9. Mike “SuperJew” Epstein
Solid first baseman for a bunch of different teams with a WS championship under his belt. Also a nickname that you definitely could not have today.8. Paul Newman
Famous for acting, famous for driving. If you don’t think Le Mans is sports, then I’d like to see you try it. Something about “The Sting” being a great movie.7. Bill Goldberg
After his short-lived NFL career, Goldberg went on to be one of the biggest stars in the WWE/WCW of the late ‘90s to the mid ‘00s. I never watched wrestling growing up, but this guy clearly had a successful career.6. Mark Spitz
Dr. Glenn: How do they fill the Olympic swimming pool?8 year old Ryan: With a hose?
Dr. Glenn: No, son. Mark Spitz!
Great Olympic champion swimmer who set 7 world records with 7 gold medals in 7 events at the 1972 Munich games, only to be topped by Michael Phelps in Beijing. USA!
Not enough fun facts!
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